Talk:Jimmy Rollins/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 13:15, 31 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

As one of the five oldest noms awaiting a review, I'll go ahead and review this. Wizardman 13:15, 31 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Wizardman. I believe Spanneraol and I are going to team up on responding to your comments, as Rollins is now a member of the Dodgers, so pinging him as well. Happy New Year. Go Phightins! 14:01, 31 December 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Here's what I found:

"To his dismay, his parents refused to allow him continue playing football, instead forcing him to focus on baseball." i don't think 'to his dismay' is needed; the rest of the sentence suffices, plus it's a slight stretch from what the source says.
Not a big deal, but adding when he debuted would be nice near the end of the minor league section.
There should be a citation for those first two sentences in 2001; or is the media guide in the next sentence the ref for that as well? (On a side note, while a media guide is fine as a ref, it's the type of ref that I would try to avoid overusing, and it's borderline in that regard here).
I'm not a big fan of the lead as written, as it feels a little jumbled, jumping from topic to topic (more so than a typical lead). It's one of those things that is difficult to explain through text, but take another read-through of it and you should see what I mean. Try rewriting it a bit.

Only through 2001 so far, will knock out the rest soon. Wizardman 16:34, 1 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Here's the rest:

" that hindered is progress" his progress
"causing manager Larry Bowa dropped him in the lineup" to drop him
" Throughout the season, he sought to maintain focus that he admittedly lost the previous season" Sounds a little odd as worded, and personally I'd just scrap it and just keep the stats that come after unless it can be reworded a lot better.
"Season highlights included an RBI single against John Smoltz in June to win a game" perhaps just "a game-winning RBI single" instead, just to make the wording crisper.
" The streak was the longest in Phillies' history, surpassing Ed Delahanty." noting what his streak was would be nice.
"but his quest for history terminated April 6 when he failed" it can just note it ended on the sixth, no reason to puff up the language.
"Rollins' season culminated when he was named the National League's Most Valuable Player." I'd take out the middle stuff and just say rollins was named MVP.
In 2008, linking the 2008 NLDS and 2008 NLCS might be beneficial.
"Rollins began 2009 by participating in the 2009 World Baseball Classic (WBC) as a member of Team USA; for his strong WBC performance, he was named to the all-tournament team." cite
" some questioned whether his MVP campaign in 2007 was a fluke." I've never need big on the "some said x" type of language. Adding a quote from a strong baseball source here would be beneficial, since IIRC there were quite a few big names that thought this.
"If the option does not vest, the option can become a team option for $8 million or a player option for $5 million." Given that he went elsewhere, this should be scrapped or reworded (did the Dodgers take this option?)
"Following the season, Rollins became the first ever co-Winner of the Roberto Clemente Award, sharing the honor with recently retired Chicago White Sox captain Paul Konerko." cite
Per my parentheses above, adding a bit on what happened with his contract now that he's on the Dodgers would be helpful, since I can't tell if they gave him a year, if the phillies picked up the option and traded him after, or if the dodgers were the ones that chose to pick up the option.
""One of the best defensive shortstops in the game"," cite
Overall, in parts the article tries to get a little flowery with the language. It's infrequent, but the few times it happens do stand out. Do another quick read-through and rewrite anything overly journaly.

I'll place the article on hold and will give it another look-through after the above is fixed, likely passing it. Wizardman 15:44, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

With much thanks to Spanneraol, I believe all these are addressed. Go Phightins! 00:35, 7 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Everything reads much better now, so I'll pass this article. Wizardman 01:34, 8 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]